So much

So much has happened in such a short time!! I faxed in my request to the court and the file was waiting for me in the mail on Monday when I got home!! I was on the phone with my mom and sat in the car for 20 minutes in my garage skimming it and giving her some of the information while she got on the computer and started looking things up. After I got off the phone with her I sat down and read the whole packet, about 20 pages. I realized that some of the traits I had growing up came from my birthmother and we were involved in some of the same things in school. It is insane! Then after taking time to process the fact that I now not only have names, but DOBs, SSNs, and former address and phone numbers, I started trying to find them online. I ended up finding who I believe is my birthmother on facebook! I also believe that I found the address for my birthfather. Yesterday I sat down and started writing letters. I completed my letter to my birthfather, hand written and 3 pages. Pretty sure I rambled so I plan on looking at it and editing it so I don't sound crazy or retarded. I plan on sending out a message to them both by Tuesday. I have to set a time frame or it will likely be another 5 years. It is insane how with 1 request how much has happened in a week. Please pray for my strength has I continue this process and also for my birthparents as this I am sure will be overwhelming for them. Also pray for my family, my mom is such a great support, but I am sure this is overwhelming to her as well.

The next step

So after letting the fact that I had a difficult time getting a hold of the court clerk in Kansas derail me; I am back on track. I let myself feel that I wasn't suppose to find my birth family because I was having such a hard time getting information from court. Yesterday I decided I was no longer going to let myself get side tracked. I called the court house and after holding for 10 minutes got all the information. I faxed a letter with the details that I knew and the details that I needed along with copies of my marriage license/certificate, drivers license and social security card. The lady on the phone told me to fax it to Gail and that she would contact me for the next step. I am not sure what I am feeling. I wasn't scared or happy or sad. It was just sending another fax. It wasn't like I expected it to feel, I expected to feel something, anything, but instead I felt nothing. Maybe this is a good thing, or maybe it is just that faxing the request doesn't mean anything now, but when the request is filled then I will feel something.
In other news I have started to share what I am doing with more people and they are so positive. I was so surprised that there have been no negative comments and just genuine concern that no one wants to see me get hurt. It is such a great feeling to know that I have so much support on this journey. Thanks to everyone!